This was because the entire plant, printing press and editorial section, slid into the east fork of Dairy Creek when Clyde Foofaw's prize bull saw his reflection in our front window and believing it was a rival for the affections of a holstein he was courting at the time, bellowed and charged the image.

Normally fearless journalists, in expectation that the bull would demolish the interior, jumped out the side windows and ran through the back door like rats deserting a sinking ship. 

But, instead of crashing through the front window, the bull bounced off the steel window grating, installed there after biker Norma Magnum got drunk and drove her Harley Davidson into a reporter's lap during the 4th of July parade.

The impact bent the one inch spring steel bars into a concave shape, the bull bounced off at an oblique angle and demolished the rutabaga eclair display case in the Peg's Bottom Bakery, and the newspaper office popped off its foundation and slid down the stream bank and landed on top of a brown bear which was at the time fishing for salmon.

The bear bit the inkwell off our printing press, our typewriter got tangled up in a crawfish trap and the bakery had to throw out one gross of rutabaga eclairs because nobody wanted to buy an eclair with an impression of Clyde Foofaw's prize bull's backside in it.

Clyde brought his farm tractor over, and hitched it in tandem with the town pavement roller and Billy Bangtooth's 1939 International half-ton pickup with the full sized western redleaf alder in the box, and the three vehicles pulled the newspaper building out of the creek and back on its foundation.

There was no difficulty getting the typewriter out of the crawfish trap with a pair of wire cutters, but the bear damage to the press was another matter.  Our press was made in 1903, so parts are hard to find.  Finally, an inkwell was custom made from the tailfin of a '57 Chevy by Jeremiah Buchenfeinster at the feed store farm tractor repair shop, and the newspaper was able to resume publishing on October 1st.

Subscribers who wish to receive a rebate for the issues they didn't receive will not be given one, since no subscriber of the Peg's Bottom Gazette has paid his bill in years. 

Clyde Foofaw's Bull Sits on Passing Mormon.

Norbert Doofmeister Gets Head Stuck in Blender Modified to Give Haircuts

Jews for Jesus Organization Sends Fan Letter to Mel Gibson

Verboort Sausage Festival Sabotaged by Disgruntled Oscar Meyer Weiner Salesman

Cigar-smoking Gas Station Attendant Lands Three Counties to the South

Coriander Coelacanth Mistakes Gravity Boots for Nikes and Loses Marathon by Thirty Hour Margin.

     classified advertisement
Wanted: 51 Hudson Terraplane rubber clutch pedal cover felt inside liner holding screw washer grommet seat flange bracket spacer shim sleeve lock ring retainer collar lubricant fitting nipple collar gasket sealant tape dispenser.  Contact Clyde Foofaw 

Snooseville Tavern Tests Lutefisk Beer

Snooseville -- A new brew from Oordskuvalduten, Norway, was recently unveiled at the local saloon.  It is made from fermented fish carcasses, and, while very popular with local loggers, has not sold well to people of non-Nordic descent.

"It's really awful," said Clyde Foofaw, whose barn still turns out a very well respected whiskey.  "I mean, you could make a better tasting beer from the contents of a septic tank."
 
 

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This page is dedicated to Dave Bascom.