E-RFD: Comparing Similies is, Like, Something Else
Every year, English teachers from across the USA can submit
collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school
essays in order to have them published and sent out for the amusement
other teachers across the country. Recent winners:
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides
gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled around inside his head, making and breaking
alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the kind of wisdom that can only come from experience,
like a guy who goes blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without
one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country
speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar
without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was
room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like the sound a dog makes
just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disin- tegrated
because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge
at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
bowling ball wouldn't.
10. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an
surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and
Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
11. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
12. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across
the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having
left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m.
traveling west at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. traveling
east at a speed of 35 mph.
13. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences
that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
14. John and Mary had never met. They were like two humming- birds who
had also never met.
15. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the
16. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only
one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
17. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil,
this plan just might work.
18. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not
eating for a while.
19. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either,
but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land
mine or something.
20. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells,
if she were a garbage truck backing up.
|Note: E-RFDs are messages that
circulate around the
internet. Some are factual and some are mythical. We make
distinction between the types, here, but rather offer them pretty much
as they come in -- as examples of comment and rumor from a global mind.